Call me crazy. That's okay! (or, Some Things I've Learned About Life)

I've been working through some things in my life and mind that I want to put on paper and share. These are things I know about myself and about my God. If you are not a believer in God, or Jesus, you might be interested in reading this anyway. Most people who don't believe in God call me crazy. Let me chronicle my craziness. I am a follower of Jesus ("Christian" carries some pretty strange un Jesus-like connotations these days), and as his follower, I can say these things with confidence:

• I am God's child. He has done something amazing in me that is born of grace and love. Most believers in Jesus call this being "born again." It's hard to explain sometimes to people who don't believe this way. That's fine though. I find it's best to live what I believe and let my life do the talking. Someone said, "If you can shut up, shut up." That didn't make sense at first. I'm beginning to understand it. I don't need to bark out my beliefs. If I can live who I am in as real a way as I can, I hope to live a life far more transformed and powerful than living by someone's religious obligations, some person's or religion's or church's idea of what I should do or not do. Doesn't make sense to you, you say? That's okay. Come walk beside me and we'll learn all about this God of love together. 
• I know that Jesus chose me. I don't know how to tell you I know this. You can read about it in the source material, the writings of and about him. But, something pretty amazing is happening to me that is changing me and making me into something I've never dreamed of being. Something good. You don't see it? I'm sorry. I'll just have to keep walking this journey and maybe someday soon it will become evident and we'll get to share life in some really deep and wonderful ways. For me, though, it is a voice of truth. No, I'm not hearing voices in my head. (My atheist friends say that. *Sigh*) It is a reality that I am growing into. It is a spiritual change, a life that is growing inside, a peace that goes beyond anything I can begin to understand... You see! I told you it was hard to explain! 
• I am learning that I am protected by the power of God. I am secure in his love, in my relationship with him, and it isn't based on my performance, my conduct, or my behavior. I have enough weirdness and quirkiness in me that I know doesn't commend me to any secure standing with God. People who know me, who are closest to me, can attest to that. But, I am learning that I am secure in my heavenly Father not on the basis of how I respond to life's trials and difficult times. I am secure in Jesus Christ, because of Jesus Christ, because of what he has done for me (and all the rest who will embrace this amazing God). I am secure in Jesus on the basis of his sacrificial, all sufficient death on the cross and his resurrection. Yes, I DO believe in that. Call me crazy, it's okay. I just cannot deny that it is real. The moment I let him into my life, as I said above, something new took place. I know that in some real way God assumed the responsibility of protecting me. It isn't a matter of me holding on to him -- because in my weak faith often I might let go -- but he holds onto me. I am protected and secured in him. So, when all evil breaks loose, and I don't know what to do, one thing is certain: God is holding onto me. Pretty weird, eh? As much as my "Christian" friends want to try to explain it and say it is perfectly explainable, I don't think they can. It's just beyond comprehension how an individual person can know these things. I guess you still think I'm crazy, loopy. It's okay. Once you step beyond the intellectual barrier you've put up between you and God, I think you'll understand what I'm saying. And that would be so cool for me to see. {wink, wink} But you know, when you find something really good, you always want to share it, right?
• If you know anything about the life of the patriarch, David, chronicled in the Hebrew scriptures, maybe you can see this next thing I am learning about life and God. His life speaks to me in this way: He learned some awesome truths about God by making mistakes, by failing, as well as by being faithful. He learned wonderful things about God in fear. Yep, in fear. Now I'm not talking about being afraid of God -- that's another misunderstood idea for another time. David learned some awesome truths about God in fear, as well as in courage. He learned about God's love, his faithfulness, his grace, and how near God actually is to us, about life, and how to handle life. My point is that he learned these things while he was afraid, as he worked through his fear, as he kept hanging in there with God, as he kept believing in this God. His greatest moments and deepest insights didn't come necessarily while he was this courageous, bold "man of God." I saw that David "repented" when he realized he was wrong. He wasn't afraid of being humble, admitting his errors. In all his weakness, he was still okay with God and God was okay with him. In fact, centuries later, as his story was retold, he was still referred to as "a man after God's own heart" in spite of his failure and weakness. 
• Another thing I'm learning about God comes to me from a friend. Something he shared I have come to embrace. He was talking about the passage in John's gospel, in chapter 14, where Jesus is preparing for his arrest and ultimately his death and he tells his followers some pretty important things. Just like you would probably do if you knew your days were numbered. He talked about "his Father's house." I'm gonna make this shorter than it could be and say what I believe is that Jesus is talking about isn't heaven, but he is talking about the life his followers, those who believe in him, will experience in God. He is talking about being at home in God. I am now embracing the reality that I am to wake up everyday being at home in my Father, in God. I know each morning that this Father delights in me. He is at home in me and I am at home in him in spite of all my fears, all my doubts, with all the things I am still tempted to, and with all the struggles and failures in my life. This God on this day wants to be at home in me. My friend has said that if we will live there, that's where everything happens that transforms and changes us into the best of what we can be ... and I believe him. 

So, you still think I'm crazy, a loon, hearing voices? Well, some of my friends tell me I'm crazy, but not for the reasons you might be thinking. Okay, here's a challenge: If you are at all interested in the things I have written but don't get it, or you have a hard time understanding this kind of thing, or you really don't know that you believe in God, my challenge to you is to ask him to show himself to you. Seriously?! Seriously. Don't chicken out. If you really would like to know whether or not God is real, and whether or not he is like what I have described in this blog, just ask. Sincerely ask him to reveal himself to you. I guarantee you, I know enough about God to know that he wants to reveal himself to you, and that he will. Or, just call me crazy. I'll still love you.