Life in the Family

What does life look like as we live loved by our Father and live that life out with other believers? A friend recently observed that a healthy life together as believers in Jesus should not be an obligation; it should be irresistible. In my experience, as well as my understanding of the scriptures, there could be no truer perspective on life in "the Body." If we see fellowship as something God creates, not as something we conjure up, what could be more irresistible than something our Creator has come up with? ... Did you catch that? Let's try it again: What could be more irresistible than something our Creator has provided? You DO see the operable word in that sentence, right? Our CREATOR. He has loved us with this unimaginably creative love. He IS love and so, his love is intrinsically creative. And, if God loves to see us relating among one another in healthy ways -- and he certainly does, don't you think we can count on him to bring people into our lives with whom we can do that? Man, I do! Lord knows, we've screwed it up a million times over the centuries. Maybe it's time to get out of the way and trust this awesome God to do his thing. It IS time. I would like to suggest that no human effort can produce the Christian community that we long for. It is God's gift to us, his provision. 

Try these realities on for size ...
As we are learning to live in God's love, we realize that HE is our source -- of life, of freedom, grace, love, all that we need. If I don't feel like I need to get from you what I am already getting from Him, I don't need to put expectations on you to provide those things. As I said in the blog on Freedom last time, I am freed from the need to manipulate others for my own well-being because I am totally accepted by and in a relationship with a Father who loves me, who has my back, and provides for me. I don't need you to do that. He may very well provide through you something I need, and that's great, but it is him providing it, not me grabbing for it. There is a big difference. He frees me from being preoccupied with getting and grabbing, and is teaching me to relax in what he is giving. (NOT an easy lesson.) I accept what he gives from wheverever he gives it. He may be giving you to me to walk alongside for a time for mutual support, friendship, and relationship, and that's great. 

Do we NEED each other? In one sense, no -- what we NEED is him. Does he give us one another to share our life together? Absolutely. We will inevitably find our lives intertwined with other believers coming alongside them for a season and others coming alongside us for a season. Sometimes, what I need is exhortation -- Thank you, God, for my sister who gave me the right exhortation at the right time! Sometimes, I need encouragement and God sends you to encourage me. I accept that and we walk together in that time of encouragement. Every once-in-a-while, some good person who I know loves me steps up beside me and says, "Uh. Skip? Skip, what WERE you thinking?" Thanks, my bro, I needed that. Thanks, God for sending my bro for some clarification. Sometimes, what you need is ... MONEY! A JOB! I can help with that, how about you? 

The best journeying-together study from the New Testament that I have done is searching through the "one another" phrases in the first century letters to believers. I actually did this about 10 years ago. It really messed with me. You know: Love one another. Exhort one another. Pray for one another. Give to one another. Be kind and tender hearted to one another. I think there are 20 or so different "one another" phrases in the letters to the first century believers in Jesus. I tried to plug that stuff into my churchy mentality and it didn't work very well. (More about that later, maybe.) You see, the "one anothers" are all about relationship, not programs or any other kinds of organizing. And, that's what those historically closest to the source were all about. People who had seen, touched, and walked next to Jesus.

You see, the difference I'm realizing is that Christian community is not based on need; it is based on the sheer joy of sharing relationships with fellow journeyers. We modern, institutionally-minded people have our compass set in a pretty weird direction. Jesus' life flows FROM each of us into the body, not the other way around. Whenever I try to get from the body what I am not finding in Jesus, I am actually substituting it for Jesus. And we all know that serving something that isn't him is "idol worship." Asking the body to be what I really need Jesus to be for me is to make an idol out of it. I bring to my brothers and sisters the life I am experiencing in God. That's how we flourish together. It is his life flowing from us to each other that brings our strength and effectiveness. This is a far cry distance from a group of weary, bleary-eyed Sunday morning people sitting through a Sunday morning concert and motivational speaker workshop... like a group of hungry birds waiting for someone else to pour some life into us ... the life that we need to be getting everyday on our journey with the Father. (Time to BBQ some sacred cows? Anyone for a little cow tipping?) 



Back to the one anothers ... When I began to study the preponderance of these phrases in the New Testament a number of years ago, the realization came over me that being the church wasn't about meetings, buildings, programs, events, etc. BEING the church was about family, relating, loving, sharing, giving of our lives to one another. I discovered that the family images and metaphors of our life together far exceeded any other picture of what body life meant. 


This study started a revolution in my mind of what the church means. Here's what gets me crucified every time. I started to see how our structures, organizations, and institutions actually work against the one anothers so evident in the life of early believers. I told my wife the other day that it's like the old trying to "fit a square peg in a round hole." Every large (large is relative) church structure I know of and have been a part of that wanted to make at least an attempt to be faithful to this aspect of new life in Christ always struggled to make this happen. Why the struggle? Usually because the sheer size of the mechanism made it impossible. So, what do these folks do? They try to organize people into small groups. AND ... one of the problems is that it becomes forced. It doesn't work very well. Even when they pound out in their public meetings the importance of relating to one another on a small group level, their very structure belies the truth. They have spent scads of money, time, and effort attracting people with their flashy programs, buildings, and "ministries" that it seems a paltry and even hypocritical effort to now say to people, "You really need to be a part of these small groups we have put together for you." Some even go so far as to say, "If you really want to grow in Christ as you should, you will invest your time in a small group" or something like that. Most of us are so used to the big gathering being what we call "having church," that we don't know that there is no such thing in the scriptures as going to church. Since we don't know this reality -- even with a pastor-type person telling us, "Folks, we ARE the church" -- for us, going to a "service" IS being the church.  I've never heard anything so schizophrenic.  

This God journey is all about relationships. Our relationship with him. Our relationships with one another. And, you see, what is evident from the New Testament is that their life together was defined by their relationships with one another, not their meetings or activities. Their life together was not marked by programs, services, activities, outreaches, etc., but by their love one for another. Did they have problems? You bet your bottom ... dollar. That's pretty much what the letters to the early groups of believers was all about. Helping them sort out this life together they had discovered in Jesus. The New Testament writers taught them a lot about learning to love each other unselfishly and practical ways to serve one another. 

In reality, of course, none of us have it all together, and many times we do feel like we NEED to be with others who seem to be on top of it. Sometimes, we are too wounded to offer much of anything to others as we gather. I think that's when the life of Jesus flows from others into the body to bring wholeness. Even so, the most effective help to give is to learn to point each other to Jesus, not get others dependent upon us. So many people feel a need to "minister" because they have some sort of gift and they have this hankering to foist it on others, aka "having an outlet for their gift." That's the least effective focus, I think. The most effective kinds of gatherings that I have been a part of are not times someone has some "need" to minister or "exercise their gift." The greatest benefit comes when we share the life of God with one another in response to where each of us finds ourselves at any particular time. 

You know, that brings to mind another realty of life together which really is the rockbed of our ability to relate to others. You cannot love others if you don't know how you are loved by God. Brings us right back to the reality of being loved, doesn't it? That was the whole point of Jesus' "new commandment" in John 13: A new commandment I'm giving you, Jesus said, love one another. "As I have loved you, so you must love one another." So, does this mean your task then is to read all about how Jesus treated people and then go out and mimic that behavior. I don't think so. I think Jesus was plainly saying, you can't love until you are loved. You can't love well until you are loved well. You can only love to the level that you know you have been loved by the Father. When you know how much you are loved by this Father, you will love others well. Until then, you won't know how to love. It's a reality of living loved. That's one of the main reasons real fellowship is irresistible. People who have been SO LOVED are great lovers. :) Knowing how much I have been loved by this awesome God just spills over into loving others in very practical ways. 


So, that's it for now. Life in the family. Learning to live loved. Learning to love. Learning to serve. Learning to point one another to Jesus for the answers to our perplexities. Learning to listen to God together. This is what he has been showing me.